I lied.
I’m not saving the best for last. I just can’t!
I can’t risk your eyes not feasting upon the worst MLS “blurb” I have seen in a long time.
There’s a lot that an agent can mess up in the 463 characters we’re provided for the “Client Remarks,” and the 240 characters for “Extras,” as well as the oh-so-secret “Brokerage Remarks.”
Incorrect spelling, punctuation, or grammar. Laughable statements. Over-selling. Misunderstanding the offer process. You name it.
This one, however, has them all!
“Aaa Brand New Property” – Why the use of Aaa? Why do people do this? And yes, it’s brand-new. Many houses are.
“A True Masterpiece” – Overselling, but it’s also not a masterpiece. It’s an awful house.
“Best Functionality” – I don’t even know what this means.
“3 Master Bdrm” – How can you have three master bedrooms? The very definition of a ‘master bedroom’ would only allow for one.
“Timeless Design” – Now you’re just looking up ‘marketing terms’ in a book and throwing them on the listing. There’s nothing timeless about this home.
“Bsmt w/Full Room” – Again, I have no clue what this means.
“Look No Further” – Why, exactly? Am I going to find a timeless design?
“Aaa In Location” – I won’t get hung up on the word ‘in’ being incorrectly used, but rather the ‘Aaa’ again, plus there’s nothing superior about this location
“Priced To Sell” – Not what you want on a listing that’s rotting on the market.
“Brand New Appliances” – In a new home? Really? And here I thought you’d buy used appliances from Craigslist and place them in your timeless masterpiece!
“Garage Has A Potential For Beautiful Patio” – Where, like, on the roof? Beautiful! That’s where you want to hang out! But you forgot to mention that the roof of the house also has potential for a helipad.
“Inside Fully Completed” – Now you’re just bragging about things that aren’t worth writing home about, like the ‘brand new appliances.’ This is like bragging that you went out for dinner with a girl ‘who had all of her teeth.’
“Inside Fully Completed” – This isn’t a typo; it’s on there twice.
“Move In Right Away” – I never liked this type of ‘marketing,’ if you can call it that. Statements like ‘Move in and enjoy’ offer zero value.
“Seller Has The Right To Take Pre-Emptive Offers To His Liking” – This is actually kind of sad, since it shows that the agent has no idea how the market works. There is no offer date for this house, as it’s been on the market for months, thus there is zero notion of a ‘pre-emptive offer.’
Phew! I’m tired!
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Can I ask the readers of Asian decent: – would you be lured in by this obvious attempt to capitalize on the culture’s positive views of the number eight?
–
Bottles of “San Pellegrino” are a classic feature of staging.
As are green apples, which appear on the kitchen counter in this photo:
But is a CLOSE-UP of the apples really a necessary photo for MLS?
–
Speaking of which, this entire condo was empty, except for these two items:
Yeah, seriously.
Leave the ENTIRE condo empty, but make sure you put out green apples and San Pelly!
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What’s worse:
a) That this is a condo “den”
b) That the photo seems to have been taken from a spy-camera on the ceiling?
–
I see you!
–
Yup.
Got it.
It’s the one on the left, that you drew a red box around…
–
Sooo…….
…….I’m not the only one who still uses Paint in Windows?
–
What reno?
I wouldn’t change a single thing!
–
What staging?
Just leave all the shoes, they add a level of “je ne sais quoi” to this home…
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What unfinished bathroom?
Just stage the space in front with outdoor patio furniture, and nobody will notice!
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Remember when the pandemic first began, and nobody could find toilet paper?
Well, I think I found it!
And this home-seller has absolutely no shame about showcasing his or her hoarding:
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“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”
So, while some people hoard toilet paper during a pandemic, others hoard Hello Kitty…
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This is a pretty cool photo array for a house that has a very unique feature in the backyard…
That’s right – they have their very own wood-burning outdoor oven!
Home-made bread, pizza, and cherry tomatoes!
I’m sold. Like, actually. I need one of these asap.
–
Interesting photo array here for a property being sold with plans and permits:
I’m no NASA scientist here, but doesn’t the second photo look a lot like the first?
And don’t both of them have rendered-woman walking out of the house? Is this a ‘thing,’ like, to render a house and maybe some trees, but also the potential happy home-owner?
And the third photo adds oh-so-much value! “This is your home if we used white siding instead of grey.”
Amazing that this property is still for sale…
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And last, but certainly not least, here’s your chance to be the only person on the block with one of these:
No, not the Weber barbecue.
No, not the neat, trim, back lawn.
Your very own observatory!
Before you ask, trust me, I checked for interior photos. Sadly, there were none.
Have a great long weekend, everybody!
jeanmarc
at 9:00 am
That toilet paper pic cracks me up especially when you are showing your home to sellers. Hopefully they got a deal on their home just as much as the deal on the paper.
J G
at 10:33 am
https://www.linkedin.com/feed/news/big-banks-plan-to-keep-workers-remote-4186065/
“Amid efforts to prevent the spread of COVID-19, TD Bank, Scotiabank and Royal Bank of Canada will allow most of their employees to keep working from home for the rest of the year.”
Not good for downtown condo rent.
Chris
at 10:44 am
“TRREB’s Q2 Rental Market Report
Avg 1 bdrm condo apt rent: $2,083 down 5.0% YoY
Avg 2 bdrm condo apt rent: $2,713 down 5.6% YoY
TRREB calls that… ‘moderating pace of rent growth’
Person X: How’s your diet going?
TRREB (has gained 5 pounds): I’ve seen a moderating pace of weight loss.”
– Scott Ingram
https://twitter.com/areacode416/status/1289192330210115584
Appraiser
at 11:14 am
“Overall GTA rents declined again in June, but the average rent per-square-foot for rental apartments jumped month-over-month. A market recovery or temporary blip?”
https://twitter.com/benmyers29?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor
Chris
at 11:19 am
“Toronto sees seventh straight month-over-month rent price drop in June.”
https://twitter.com/benmyers29/status/1288458775922343936
Chris
at 11:22 am
Telus joining the big banks in WFH until at least end of the year.
https://www.bnnbloomberg.ca/telus-tells-staff-to-work-from-home-until-next-year-1.1473309
Joel
at 12:54 pm
The fist one you posted I already know is a house by me that I have walked by many times. There was a terrible picture and the house was listed too early with many gaudy signs all over the property.
It is the worst house of three new builds in a row and I really don’t get the house or marketing on it!
Appraiser
at 10:50 am
Preliminary TRREB MLS data for July, year over year:
Freehold sales are up 25%
Condo sales are down 2%
Condo Sales over $2M up 24%
Freehold sales over $2M are up 240% (That’s right, 240%) !
Freehold sales over $4M are up 46%
J G
at 1:04 pm
Sales over 2M? Since when is that a relevant stat? Oh right, it’s when the numbers support the bull case, haha.
Sales over $xxx will always be positive year over year due to simple inflation, Captain Obvious.
Fearless Freep
at 1:58 pm
YOY Inflation? What planet are you living on?
Fearless Freep
at 2:11 pm
Just to provide some support for my rather snarky comment, the Bank of Canada reported YOY inflation in June 2020 (the most recent figure) at 0.66%.
J G
at 2:26 pm
You believe the BoC inflation number? Lol
The bank will adjust the consumer spending index to make sure their “inflation” is at 2% or less so they don’t raise rate. They will include things like airfare (yeah, everyone flies) to go along with necessities like groceries to lower their “inflation”.
Everyone knows how much the real inflation is.
Kyle
at 9:00 pm
Yeah, Just look at the price of Hydrochloroquine. It’s up like 350%. So of course the inflation stats are being manipulated….
LOL, you bears kill me. So much confidence, yet so much stupidity. How badly must you guys wish for a crash to actually believe, let alone speak such idiocy?
J G
at 2:30 pm
Read this – Big Mac inflation vs CPI inflation
https://www.google.ca/amp/s/seekingalpha.com/amp/article/4119246-big-mac-index-may-be-telling-truth-inflation
Fearless Freep
at 2:39 pm
Come on, JG, everyone know this is BS. “Lighthearted “ BS, but it smells just as bad. You don’t need to “believe” the official CPI numbers (especially if you’re a Trumpian “deep state” guy) but even if *real* inflation is much higher than reported by the *crooked* BoC, it would have had virtually no effect on sales of “higher end” Toronto real estate. I understand your obsession with refuting every bullish post by Appraiser (I really do) but conspiracy theories are no way to do it.
J G
at 3:30 pm
Why is it BS? Give concrete examples. 10 years ago Tim’s small coffee was $1.1, now it’s $1.59, much higher than 2% inflation per year.
Yes I’m obsessed. I got two young kids along with an array of financial and RE investments along with my work. My rebuttals happen during few of my two min piss breaks during the day.
Crofty
at 3:57 pm
Okay, JG, cool it…
$1.10 ten years ago. $1.59 now. That’s an annual “Timmy’s inflation rate” of 3.75%, which is by no one’s definition “much higher than 2% inflation per year.”
But, more pertinently, it’s ONE ITEM. I don’t buy (and have never bought) Tim’s crappy coffee, so its price doesn’t affect me. But, again, that’s not the point. Anyone can find something that has increased in price more than the “official/posted” rate of inflation (arguably, by definition, half of all consumer items). But that (obviously, I would have thought) has no bearing whatsoever on overall inflation. And claiming that “everyone knows” anything is just about the weakest argument that can be mustered for pretty much anything.
Kyle
at 9:10 pm
Are you even serious? You think the price of a big mac is the “real” indictaor of true inflation and the BoC CPI is manipulated rubbiish?
https://www.redflagdeals.com/flyers/foil-sales/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PS8dNzRhMgk
Here you go, don’t say i never did anything for you.
J G
at 12:58 pm
I never said RE will crash, I said Toronto RE will not be a good investment compared to various other options.
Also I don’t know why you guys are arguing about inflation with me. BoC reported inflation average about 1.5% over the past decade. If the real inflation is 3.5-4%, that’s already very misleading!
Chris
at 11:48 am
G&M article raising similar points as I brought up here the other day:
“And yet, the stock market has barely noticed. After hiccuping in March, equity indexes have stabilized near the record levels they hit at the beginning of the year. Though unemployment has surged, and corporate profits plunged, stocks and bonds have been on a tear. Even the real estate market is acting as if the worst economic downturn in our lifetimes is no big deal.
The Bank of Canada has now followed the Fed, with largely the same results. Which is great, I guess, if you’re already rich.”
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/article-the-bank-of-canada-keeps-making-the-rich-richer/
Sounds like a recipe for growing inequality and support for populism. I’m benefiting from these policies as my equity portfolio appreciates, but this has huge potential to result in negative social and economic outcomes.
Clifford
at 9:08 pm
Wonder how many landlords are just leaving units empty for the time being. Wonder how many are selling since the government has decided to use their properties as social housing.
Chris
at 9:58 pm
I haven’t heard anything about the government taking or using landlords’ private properties for use as social housing. Do you have an article or anything you can share?
J G
at 12:53 pm
Banning evictions, it’s the same lol
Chris
at 8:11 pm
Evictions restarted in Ontario as of August 1st. That being said, probably still a substantial backlog to work through.