“People.   They’re the worst.”
~Jerry Seinfeld

Honestly, is it me?

Tell me if it is.  And trust me when I say that this is one of those blog posts where I know I’m going to take some heat.

We’re in a really, really weird world right now.  Societal norms and socially-acceptable behaviour is changing by the day, and while much of this is for the good, I can’t help but continue to be amazed by a slew of daily interactions.

People.

I don’t get them, sometimes.  And often, it’s the ‘small’ things that get ya.

Let me give you an example, and tell me if you share my bewilderment.

I had a listing on the east side last week, and a buyer agent emailed to say that she had left her sunglasses in the house while doing a showing, and after booking a second “showing,” to go back alone and search for the sunglasses, she didn’t find them.  She asked me if I could ask the sellers if they have them.

Simple enough request, right?  But is it reasonable?  Especially considering the nature of our business, the personal interactions, and the fact that “you are your brand.”

I emailed her back and said, “The sellers have moved to Burlington for the week,” insinuating that if she couldn’t find her sunglasses when she went back to the property, then either another buyer or buyer agent helped themselves, or maybe, just maybe, they’re under the seat of her car.  She emailed back to express her frustration with the tragic loss, and that was that.

Except, six days later, the morning after the property was sold, she emailed me and said, “Congrats on the sale.  Please let me know if you find my sunglasses.”

Look, I know I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, and some of you wonder what my deal is.  That’s fair.

My point is that I would be absolutely mortified if I were a young agent in 2004 and I emailed Carole Hall to ask if she found my Oakleys in one of her listings.

Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll accept it.

I just have higher standards for mankind.

If the world were a nicer place, people like me tear that goddam house apart looking for those sunglasses!  But I can’t help but look at situations like this and wonder what makes a person click ‘send’ on that email.  I always want to get inside people’s heads.  What are they thinking when they take a particular course of action?  Do they know how it will be received by others?

Speaking of which, a few choice emails from two weeks ago, which is the topic of today’s blog…

My colleague Chris and myself had a listing for a detached house in North Toronto and as part of our marketing plan, we needed to find a way replace the eyeballs and foot-traffic that ordanarily come through open houses.

There are no open houses allowed right now, and that’s a lot of neighbours that don’t see the house, who ordinarily would.  Believe it or not, we get a lot of offers from people who live in the area (either renting or owning smaller houses), or from people who tell friends/family about the house.

We decided to do more than send out merely “admail.”  We wanted to ensure that neighbours saw our marketing piece, so we took things a step further.

You all get admail, right?  “Junkmail,” as we know it.

Nobody likes getting this stuff.  But we all have the ability to throw it in the garbage, which we do every single day.

We also get flyers, marketing, and solicitations addressed to us.  Cleaning companies, movers, tree-trimmers – anybody who thinks you may be in need, and wants to spend the money on a stamp.

So Chris and I purchased 2,000 bright red envelopes, and built a database of addresses for the houses in the area.  We put our card-stock advertisements inside the red envelopes, affixed Canada Post stamps on the front, and voila!

Instead of simply crumpling our advertisement along with that of Pizza Pizza and Rogers, home-owners would now be more likely to open the envelope, addressed, “Dear Neighbour,” because who doesn’t like seeing that sexy, red envelope in the mail?

The strategy worked, and better than we could have imagined!

Not only did we hear from two buyer agents whose clients got the mail piece, and booked appointments on the house, but we also had two “cold calls” as well.

In the end, the second-place buyer on offer night was one of those people who lived in the area, got the advertisement in the mail, came to see the property, and made an attempt to purchase it.

Victory, right?

A novel marketing idea in a difficult marketplace?  Victory.

Two agents spending money where nobody else would?  Victory.

Happy home-sellers who were impressed with our efforts as well as the results?  Victory.

Or, at least so I thought.

Here’s an email I received shortly after we sent out the advertisements:

David and Chris:

I received in my mailbox today a red envelope addressed to ‘Dear Neighbour’, which I naturally assumed was from someone who lived nearby. You know, an actual ‘neighbour.’ I realize that this is precisely the intended effect of your mail campaign, and that I was deceived, as you had hoped I would be. Well done!

In these days of COVID, I quarantine all mail, and discard flyers and junk… and yes, real estate postcards… while wearing gloves. I made an exception with your envelope and opened it right away, which of course required me to remove my gloves, because I was confident that it was a legitimate message from someone living nearby who might need my immediate help or attention. 

Handling your deceptive mail exposed me unnecessarily to the risk of COVID. Your marketing effort could not be more irresponsible of you both in these perilous times. It is reprehensibly underhanded and devious. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

I now know everything I need to know about your professional and personal character. I will certainly never engage you to list my home. I will actively share this viewpoint online and offline to make sure all of your other ‘neighbours’ out there are aware of what you’re doing.

Stay safe, boys.

Wow!

Let me wipe the sweat off my brow, because this is a doozie, folks!

First of all, kudos to this gentleman for the exceptionally well-written note.  The punctuation is perfect, the cadence and tone are a thing of beauty, and the cynicism is something I can relate to.  He even ends the email with a “stay safe, boys,” which simply underscores his playful hatred of the two of us, and he used a comma in the right place!  I love it!

As for the content of his message, I am certain that many of you can relate.  I’m a real estate agent, so many of you already don’t like me!  And sending junkmail to people?  Yuck!

But to sit down and write this email?  Really?

What goes through the mind of an individual who gets the mail at 10:30am, and is on the computer typing by 10:35am?  Is this the most pressing item on his agenda today?

If there’s one thing that this pandemic has given all of us, it’s time.  A lot of people have time on their hands, and this is what they’re doing with it.

As for the idea that our actions were unsafe, or harmful, I respect everybody’s level of care as it pertains to COVID.  I do.  I have been extremely cautious, myself, since March, when I was one of the first people I know to wear a mask.  I have a family member with a pre-existing medical condition, for whom COVID would be exceptionally problematic, and I’ve gone over and above since this all started.  But quarantining mail and opening it with gloves on isn’t something that everybody must do.  This is a choice.  Just like the lady pumping gas in a full hazmat suit.  And while I won’t get into a debate about the ability or inability to get COVID from a piece of paper, in an envelope, eight days after the paper was placed inside, I think that this email was really, really overblown.

I mean, what to make of this?

“I was deceived, as you had hoped I would be. Well done!”

I respect the sarcasm.  But “deception” is a stretch.  You got a flyer in the mail, pal.  We didn’t send you a spoof email and steal your VISA number.

“Handling your deceptive mail exposed me unnecessarily to the risk of COVID.”

Did it?

The mailman who put the mail in your box is a million times more likely to give you COVID than the 14-year-old girl we had put flyers in envelopes, while wearing gloves, eight days before that mail appeared in your box.

“I will certainly never engage you to list my home.”

You are correct on that one, since you rent your home.  I checked.

“…I was confident that it was a legitimate message from someone living nearby who might need my immediate help or attention”

If a neighbour needed your immediate help, do you think that mail would be the fastest way to reach you?  Because if the old lady across the street fell and broke her hip, and she sent you a note in the mail to ask for help, she’s probably long gone by now…

It is reprehensibly underhanded and devious. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

I can’t imagine what you tell your child when he or she spills milk.

Look, I get it.  This is a person’s home, and he feels as though I’ve invaded it.

But come on, folks.  It’s a goddam piece of MAIL!

If every person on the planet popped off like this, in every similar instance, the world would implode in a day or less.

Here’s another email:

Hey! 

If the mail box says “no junk mail” please do not leave your advertisement. It goes straight to the recycle and it’s a waste. Please do not reply to this email and don’t leave your ads in our mailbox again.

Thanks!

Shane

Okay, Shane.

First of all, take this up with Canada Post, since they delivered the mail.

Secondly, lots of things are a waste.  But I’m not standing in your dining room, watching you leave six green beans on your plate that you shouldn’t have taken if you weren’t going to eat them, when people are starving across the world!  So maybe don’t tell me whether or not I should send out admail on behalf of my seller-clients who are paying me to market their home and sell it for top dollar.

And then comes my favourite part: “Do not reply to this email.”

What a hero.

Keyboard warrior.

Give, but don’t receive.

Only a total wimp sends an email and then specifies, “Don’t respond.”

“I’m going to put myself out there, and ask you on a date.  But if you would answer ‘no’ then just don’t say ‘no.’  Instead, please travel back in time and tell an earlier version of myself not to ask you out, thereby sparing me the rejection.”

If only the world worked that way…

Then to cap it all of, I got an email that had nothing to do with the mailing, but rather the content:

David please know that the term ‘Lawrence Park South’ is not welcome and borders on distasteful. Please stop now!

Sent from my iPhone

Eek, sorry!

Let me just check Google….

Meh.

What does Google know anyways?

I think Toronto Life would know better, since they really, really know Toronto!

Let me see here…

Okay, well, I give up!

Maybe, just maybe, the person who sent this email is lost and doesn’t know where he is…

So, folks, tell me I’m the jerk here.  Many of you will, no matter what.

Tell me that you open your mail while wearing gloves, and I’ll tell you that this is your choice, and I don’t blame you for it.

But tell me that you believe the inside of that envelope contains COVID, and that words like “reprehensible,” or “ashamed,” or “devious” apply, and that’s where you’ve lost me.

Watch CNN cover the Donald Trump pressers every night, and you can use those words.

The world has real problems right now, but more often than not, people ignore those, and choose to focus on things that absolutely, positively, don’t matter.

It was a long week and weird week, to say the least.

Enjoy the nice weather this weekend, and I’ll see you Monday!